As we go through life our understandings are formed by the experiences we have. I invite you to, as you go through the world, change the way you see, hear, and feel the world around you and take on a new perspective. Go ahead and notice what you are sensing around you and then take another look. It’s this other look that might surprise you. It’s time now. Time to step outside of your old ways of taking what you think and think differently.

There is an expression; “Thinking outside the box.” What it means to me is to step outside one self and perhaps get a sense of what others experiencing. Some people achieve this in an interesting way. Just stop, and hear what you would hear, see what you would see, and feel what you would feel from another persons perspective. Go ahead and float up and change the angle of view. Step to the side and hear things from that place. Get closer or further away and feel the difference.

For now though, get a sense of how you experience things and how those things may be different from what is going on really by taking this simple test. As with any test there is not right or wrong answers there is only your experience of what is going on.

I hope you gain some new understandings after having taken the color test.

]]> http://blog.prestigiousminds.com/?feed=rss2&p=119 0 http://blog.prestigiousminds.com/?p=115 http://blog.prestigiousminds.com/?p=115#comments Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:04:10 +0000 James http://blog.prestigiousminds.com/?p=115 Creating rapport with another person increases understanding and that sense of connection. In this writing I will be talking about ways to gain rapport with another person. Before we discuss how to gain rapport with another person you should understand about representational systems.

In the post “Going through the world” I had touched on the subject of the map and model of the world. We use our five senses to make the map and model of the world around us.

We use predicates of those senses to describe our world as we experience things. As an example here is a short list of predicates one might be using:

VISUAL

• See
• Picture
• Look
• Notice
• Imagine
• Appear

AUDITORY

• Tell
• Ring
• Loud
• Mention
• Interview
• Discuss

KINESTHETIC (feel/do)

• Grasp
• Feel
• Hold
• Hunch
• Flow
• Softly

OLFACTORY (smell)

• Aroma
• Essence
• Musty
• Sweet
• Dank

GUSTATORY (taste)

• Bitter
• Flat
• Spicy
• Tangy

UNSPECIFIED

• Advise
• Decide
• Know
• Think
• Understand

For a more complete list click here.

Phrases you might become aware of as you listen to people talk are as follows:

VISUAL

• Bird’s eye view.
• Beyond a shadow of …
• In light of …
• Showing off

AUDITORY

• Afterthought
• Outspoken
• Tongue-tied
• To tell the truth
• Tuned in/tuned out

KINESTHETIC (feel)

• All washed up
• Come to grips with
• Not following you
• Slipped my mind
• Boils down to

Understand these two list are not a complete list of predicates and phrases. But as you listen to yourself and others around you speak, you can become in tune with the predicates and really get a grasp on how what is said relates to how you can see clearly what is being said.

Now, with this understanding one other piece of human behavior is helpful in knowing about. Did you know how we breathe is an indication of the representational system we are using at that moment in time?

Generally, when a person is using or is in a kinesthetic mode they will be breathing from below the mid-line of the body and their speech will be slow and thought out. When people are in auditory mode breathing occurs more mid-line and speech patterns are more like a song or has a rhythm to it. While in a visual mode people tend to talk really fast and are breathing from higher in the chest. This is an important distinction you should make in noticing both from where you or another is breathing and what choice of words are being used.

On to the good stuff now that you understand about representational systems and phrases.

The first way to gain rapport with another person (this includes you) is to use the words they use. You have a partial list of predicates just begin to use the same predicates people use and it is like you are talking their language. So in other words match the words they use to gain rapport.

If a person is using visual predicates and you use auditory predicates as you communicate there is a disconnect and less of a feeling of understanding.

There are other kinds of things one can match to gain rapport with another person. Matching is the process of adjusting some aspect of your external behavior to approximate those of another persons behavior. For example, when the other person tilts his/her head to their left, you adjust the tilt of your head in a similar fashion to match his/her particular movement.

Ways to match others are as follows:

WHOLE BODY MATCHING

Adjust your body to approximate the other person’s postural shifts.

BODY PART MATCHING

Pace any consistent or stylistic use of body movements; i.e. eye blinks, breathing.

HALF BODY MATCHING

Match the upper or lower portion of another persons body.

HEAD/SHOULDERS ANGLE PATTERNS … PREDICATES

Match characteristic poses that another person offers with his/her head, shoulders and predicates.

INDIRECT MATCHING (Cross-Over Mirroring)

Using one aspect of your behavior to match a different aspect of another person’s behavior; i.e. adjusting the tempo of voice to match the other person’s rate of breathing/ pacing the other person’s eye blinks with your finger or head nods.

With this not being a complete list of all the ways you can match a person I’d like to mention one last method of gaining rapport with others. The last method is to literally assume rapport. If you want to gain rapport with someone you don’t know if you begin to talk to them as if you knew them all your life there is an unconscious communication that takes place between you and the other person. One of the most effective ways I do it is before you begin to talk with another person just remember someone you already have a relationship with and go into the tone of voice you would use with them and the facial expressions and all the other unconscious behavior will fill in. It is helpful to really go into the state of actually knowing this new person as if you knew them your whole life. See what you would see, hear what you would hear, and feel as you would feel.

Now as you “Go through the world” isn’t it interesting how easily you can make the kinds of connections you want with others and yourself, wasn’t it?

James

As an example: Remember having seen something happen like an accident. Now here is the interesting thing, when others are asked about what they saw the answer is most likely different from person to person.

We each process things in our own way. Some of us rely mostly on, perhaps, our sense of sight while another the sense of what we hear. The point is we have a primary sensory channel as it were. That’s not to say we all use all our senses, it’s just to say we rely on one sense more then the others.

How could this information be helpful to understand?

The next time you are in a conversation or a situation with others notice how they are processing the world around them and begin to match the sensory channel they use. As you begin to match their reality you might find a new sense of understanding and connection with them. ( actually that’s exactly what happens )

Another way this information is helpful: Any time there seems to be some limitation you run into simply experience things differently. If you are relying on one sense over the other senses  switch senses. You might ask,”How does one do that?” If you were to just (in your mind) pop yourself out of your body and see things how others around you see or hear what others around you hear, you will come to a new understanding of what is going on. Ask yourself, “Is it how I experience the world that is limiting?” If it is. Using this technique you can gain new knowledge to overcome, adapt, and change the way you respond.

Be bold and step into another persons map and model of the world. Step out of your own map/model of the world. Gain new insights and understandings.

James

Thoughts forwarded to me.

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”
He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”
Michael replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood of you can choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or … I can choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or … I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”
“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy, “I protested … “Yes, it is.” Michael said.
“Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live your life.”
I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard the Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?”
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
“The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter,” Michael replied. “Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or … I could choose to die. I chose to live.”
“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.
Michael continued, “… the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I say the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.
In their eyes, I read “he’s a dead man; I knew I needed to take action.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
“Well, there was a beg burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Michael,
“She asked if I was allergic to anything”
“Yes, I replied” The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply I took a deep breath and yelled, “Gravity.”
Over their laughter, I told them, “I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead. “Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of its own.” After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You have two choices now:
1. Do nothing and keep getting what you are already getting out of life.
2. Forward these thoughts to other people. You know the choice I made.

Enjoy each day, each breath and mostly … each and every friend.

(Please open the article to see the flash file or player.)

The Practitioners at Prestigious Minds are Certified Hypnotherapist, Master NLP Practitioners, and Usui Reiki Masters.  Our intent is to provide a comforting atmosphere working one on one with you, to help you achieve your goals, increasing self-esteem, giving you more choices to become motivated in a positive direction that is right for you. 

Hypnosis and NLP is empowering for you, because it gives you skills that you can use for the rest of your life, where a person can be free of a phobias, overcome panic attacks, stress, anxiety, or lose weight and enhance your self esteem, while giving you choices to live a healthy, happy, positive life, which in turn gives you freedom of mind.

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

So what problems can NLP and hypnosis help with?

For a start, a problem is only a frame (a perspective). All frames can be changed, so NLP and hypnosis can be used to develop a more resourceful perspective on ANY problem.

But that may not be what you are asking. Ask yourself if you know people with the sorts of problems you have in mind. If so, does one person deal with these issues better than another? Does one person heal more effectively than another? From an NLP perspective, one of the things we are interested in is what are the differences in belief, attitude, resources between those individuals and how can we assist the one to develop the positive resources of the other.

But that may not be what you are asking. Here is a list of problems that hypnosis is commonly sought help for (though it is by no means exhaustive)

Betty Erickson’s Self Hypnosis Technique