Prestigious Minds Blog

I was sent an email that had this test you can take and it got me to thinking about how sometimes we see things in different ways. How is it that we can see what it is we expect to see even though it’s not really there.  After taking this test or even before you take the test think to yourself how many times in life you saw something only to find out it wasn’t what you saw at all.

As we go through life our understandings are formed by the experiences we have. I invite you to, as you go through the world, change the way you see, hear, and feel the world around you and take on a new perspective. Go ahead and notice what you are sensing around you and then take another look. It’s this other look that might surprise you. It’s time now. Time to step outside of your old ways of taking what you think and think differently.

There is an expression; “Thinking outside the box.” What it means to me is to step outside one self and perhaps get a sense of what others experiencing. Some people achieve this in an interesting way. Just stop, and hear what you would hear, see what you would see, and feel what you would feel from another persons perspective. Go ahead and float up and change the angle of view. Step to the side and hear things from that place. Get closer or further away and feel the difference.

For now though, get a sense of how you experience things and how those things may be different from what is going on really by taking this simple test. As with any test there is not right or wrong answers there is only your experience of what is going on.

I hope you gain some new understandings after having taken the color test.

Creating rapport with another person increases understanding and that sense of connection. In this writing I will be talking about ways to gain rapport with another person. Before we discuss how to gain rapport with another person you should understand about representational systems.

In the post “Going through the world” I had touched on the subject of the map and model of the world. We use our five senses to make the map and model of the world around us.

We use predicates of those senses to describe our world as we experience things. As an example here is a short list of predicates one might be using:

VISUAL

• See
• Picture
• Look
• Notice
• Imagine
• Appear

AUDITORY

• Tell
• Ring
• Loud
• Mention
• Interview
• Discuss

KINESTHETIC (feel/do)

• Grasp
• Feel
• Hold
• Hunch
• Flow
• Softly

OLFACTORY (smell)

• Aroma
• Essence
• Musty
• Sweet
• Dank

GUSTATORY (taste)

• Bitter
• Flat
• Spicy
• Tangy

UNSPECIFIED

• Advise
• Decide
• Know
• Think
• Understand

For a more complete list click here.

Phrases you might become aware of as you listen to people talk are as follows:

VISUAL

• Bird’s eye view.
• Beyond a shadow of …
• In light of …
• Showing off

AUDITORY

• Afterthought
• Outspoken
• Tongue-tied
• To tell the truth
• Tuned in/tuned out

KINESTHETIC (feel)

• All washed up
• Come to grips with
• Not following you
• Slipped my mind
• Boils down to

Understand these two list are not a complete list of predicates and phrases. But as you listen to yourself and others around you speak, you can become in tune with the predicates and really get a grasp on how what is said relates to how you can see clearly what is being said.

Now, with this understanding one other piece of human behavior is helpful in knowing about. Did you know how we breathe is an indication of the representational system we are using at that moment in time?

Generally, when a person is using or is in a kinesthetic mode they will be breathing from below the mid-line of the body and their speech will be slow and thought out. When people are in auditory mode breathing occurs more mid-line and speech patterns are more like a song or has a rhythm to it. While in a visual mode people tend to talk really fast and are breathing from higher in the chest. This is an important distinction you should make in noticing both from where you or another is breathing and what choice of words are being used.

On to the good stuff now that you understand about representational systems and phrases.

The first way to gain rapport with another person (this includes you) is to use the words they use. You have a partial list of predicates just begin to use the same predicates people use and it is like you are talking their language. So in other words match the words they use to gain rapport.

If a person is using visual predicates and you use auditory predicates as you communicate there is a disconnect and less of a feeling of understanding.

There are other kinds of things one can match to gain rapport with another person. Matching is the process of adjusting some aspect of your external behavior to approximate those of another persons behavior. For example, when the other person tilts his/her head to their left, you adjust the tilt of your head in a similar fashion to match his/her particular movement.

Ways to match others are as follows:

WHOLE BODY MATCHING

Adjust your body to approximate the other person’s postural shifts.

BODY PART MATCHING

Pace any consistent or stylistic use of body movements; i.e. eye blinks, breathing.

HALF BODY MATCHING

Match the upper or lower portion of another persons body.

HEAD/SHOULDERS ANGLE PATTERNS … PREDICATES

Match characteristic poses that another person offers with his/her head, shoulders and predicates.

INDIRECT MATCHING (Cross-Over Mirroring)

Using one aspect of your behavior to match a different aspect of another person’s behavior; i.e. adjusting the tempo of voice to match the other person’s rate of breathing/ pacing the other person’s eye blinks with your finger or head nods.

With this not being a complete list of all the ways you can match a person I’d like to mention one last method of gaining rapport with others. The last method is to literally assume rapport. If you want to gain rapport with someone you don’t know if you begin to talk to them as if you knew them all your life there is an unconscious communication that takes place between you and the other person. One of the most effective ways I do it is before you begin to talk with another person just remember someone you already have a relationship with and go into the tone of voice you would use with them and the facial expressions and all the other unconscious behavior will fill in. It is helpful to really go into the state of actually knowing this new person as if you knew them your whole life. See what you would see, hear what you would hear, and feel as you would feel.

Now as you “Go through the world” isn’t it interesting how easily you can make the kinds of connections you want with others and yourself, wasn’t it?

James